Trigger
by finishthebook
Summary: Takumi Ichinose had his days, but after marrying Nana Komatsu and fathering two children, he thought his personal life was complete. That is, until he meets up with an old lover, Kaoru Miyazaki, who also has a son that belongs to him. This is the story of his three grown children, Senri, Satsuki, and Ren.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One; Senri Ichinose

I sat on the edge of the bed, a half smoked cigarette bobbing between my lips, because my hands were too shaky to hold it. It had only been a few hours, and I already felt edgy and tired at the same time. Mina was cleaning herself up in the bathroom, and I knew it would be time to say goodbye for the night. She was getting frustrated with me, and she wanted more from me than these overnights in random, glamorous hotels. I never took women home, and Mina was no exception. I would never take her to my large, complicated family that would overwhelm her. Then, she would be sucked into the appeal of being a part of the Ichinose family. I didn't want that for her. She didn't need to know about all of the secrets, the lies, and betrayal; the heavy burden that came with truly knowing me and my family. No, she deserved better than that. She deserved better than me.

"Senri?" I opened my eyes and looked down to see sprinkled ashes from my cigarette on the cream colored carpet. I gripped the filter between my lips and quickly inhaled, only to gain nothing but empty smoke. Mina kneeled in front of me, wearing only a towel. She opened her lighter over my cigarette and the orange embers returned. "There. You okay?" she asked, quietly. I nodded and took the delicious hit I desperately needed and it slightly woke me up. "Yeah. Thanks." I said, losing focus on her as my eyes had better ideas and traveled to her chest where her large breasts pushed up against the towel. I shook my head and looked up into her eyes. "It's time for me to go," I said. Mina sighed, disappointed and I hated to put that look on her face.

"Can't you stay just a little bit longer?" she asked. The sadness in her voice nearly gutted me. But, I still couldn't stay.

"No," I said. "I have to go and meet…"

"Stella?" She wrinkled her nose. I sighed, "Mina, you know why I meet up with her…" My hands began to twitch again, and I slowly stood up off the edge of the bed. Mina gripped my hands in hers, holding me still. "Senri, please… I know why, but you have history with her, and you said you want to be with me."

"I do." What a piece of shit I was. But, it wouldn't stop me from meeting her. We would talk, have a couple drinks, and then I would pay her for what I needed. My phone buzzed on the night stand, and I knew it was Stella, informing me of where to meet her. But, Mina's hands wouldn't let go. "Senri, please. I love you. Don't do this." I winced, my eyes scrunched shut. She shouldn't love me, I'm not worth it. I should've known better than to get involved with such an innocent woman like her. She was kind, and yet still had that wicked edge that I was always drawn to. The fact she could physically kick out abrasive drunks from her workstation at the bar, chain smoke worse than me, and swear like a sailor, she could easily turn that persona off and become the kind, compassion woman who whispered sweet words, like "I love you." She had me hooked.

Even so, there was still that one thing more important than even her. And, that's where I had to draw the line. I would not stay, and I would not cancel my appointment. I wasn't about to cheat on Mina. That something from Stella wasn't _pussy_.

"I can't," I said, releasing her hands. She looked like she had no fight left as she nodded and let me go. I retrieved my keys and phone from the night stand. "Please, don't leave on my account, okay? I'll call you later." I didn't even bother to look back to see her reaction.

Stella was sitting in her usual spot in the corner of the pub where we wouldn't be noticed. She noticed me at the entrance, pulling her eyeglasses from her eyes. I quickly pulled mine off, so she could see that I was me, Senri. Not my Father. Stella smiled and motioned me forward to where she sat. She had already ordered a drink for me, so I sat down opposite her. Her hands brushed mine under the table, and I instantly grabbed the small bag she was handing me. I stowed it away in my Messenger bag, then sealed it shut.

"It's so good to see you, dear. How is your father?" Stella asked in her beautiful, British accent as I sat down across from her at a secluded table for two. "The same as always," I shrugged my shoulders. Talking about my dad with her was always uncomfortable since he used to see her in the UK all the time, ages ago. And presently, she had pursued his own son. Actually, I had pursued her. She was hot, with her long, blonde curly hair and triple D breasts that could only be accomplished with surgery. When I met her, I was a sixteen year old male with urges. I gave her my virginity, and she introduced me to Crystal. It started a temporary affair that ended when I started noticing mosquitoes following me around with cameras, and neither of us could chance getting caught. I promised that I wouldn't tell my parents about her if she would continue to bring me what I wanted more than her body. And, that was Crystal. There were times if she had business in the UK, she would arrange for someone else to meet me. So, I never seemed to run out.

"You seem distracted," she said, drawing me out of my thoughts. I shrugged my shoulders and took a sip of my gin and tonic that she had already ordered before I arrived. "I can't stay long this time," I said, cupping my glass between my hands. Stella gave her trademark shit eating grin, and it kind of pissed me off. "Why are you smiling like that?" I asked. She sat back and crossed her arms beneath her tits and cleavage spilled out from her sparkly top. "You've met someone, haven't you?" She said.

"How would you know that?" I asked. This was not the kind of conversation I wanted to have with my drug dealer.

"Ah, you're not denying it," she smirked. "It's that woman that works at the club down the street, isn't it?"

"Are you spying on me?" My eyes widened. What else did she know?

"Just because I don't approach you in public areas, doesn't mean I don't spot you. My friends seem to always see you there too. She's a pretty one," she said, reverting the conversation back to Mina. I didn't like that she had her goons following me. It definitely wasn't safe for Mina, should any shit hit the fan. I knew what kind of business I was dealing with. "Having someone like that in your world is...dangerous," she said.

"She doesn't know everything," I mumbled. She knew that I used, but that's where it ended. She didn't know where I went to obtain it or who I saw. The only reason she knew about Stella was because one of our meetings happened in her work place. I had no choice but to explain things to Mina once we got more serious.

Stella shook her head and smiled. "You're not going to leave her, are you?" I didn't hesitate. "No. She's safe with me," I said. Stella reached over and took my hand, an odd chill crawled down my spine, and I didn't understand why her touch suddenly repulsed me. "Your father acted like this after he met your Mother, Nana. You're just like him," she said. I gritted my teeth, "Nana is not my Mother." Of course, she knew that and she also knew that it got under my skin. The constant reminder of my shit show of a family. Nana, my Father's wife was more in the lime light then my mother, Kaoru would ever be. It gave my Father any chance he wanted to go be with her on the side. The two timing bastard. Whether I liked it or not, I was still his son. And, the mosquitoes loved to get my attention now that I was barely an adult.

I didn't care what Stella said, I was nothing like him.

My body was crashing fast and I knew it was my cue to go. I placed my trembling hand on the table, and went to stand up. I already had what I needed in my messenger bag and I hoisted it over my shoulder. I threw some cash down on the table. "I'm nothing like Takumi Ichinose," I said, feeling the anger I had towards him pulse through my veins. Stella stood up as well, and she touched my arm. I flinched, pulling away.

"Senri, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" I raised my hand to stop her. "I'm going home, I'll see you around." I waved and discreetly exited the building. I hopped into my SUV, itching to get home. It was dangerous to handle my business there, but I knew no one would bother me this late at night. And, I wasn't going to return to the hotel and face Mina. I had been staying with my dad for awhile, at my Mother's insistence since I once again got expelled from school, and she was facing a breaking point. I wasn't particularly thrilled with the idea, but I didn't want to upset her any further. She was probably the only person I respected.

I swiped my badge against a small panel at the entrance of the parking garage. The gate opened and I parked my vehicle quickly. I passed the security window and took the elevators up four floors to where I resided with my father, his wife, and my younger sister and brother. I unlocked the door and quietly entered the house. The lights were out, so I hoped that meant everyone was asleep. I walked along the hallway to my bedroom, that was attached to my own bathroom. I pulled my bag of goodies out on the counter. This is where my night could truly begin.

"Senri?" I scowled, and turned around to see my sister standing in the doorway. I should've known better than to leave my bedroom door unlocked.

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd be out with that guy, what's his name?" I asked, my mind drawing a blank. Satsuki sighed and sat on the edge of the bathtub, making herself at home.

"His name is Yutaro. And, I came home for dinner like Mom and Dad wanted. Which, by the way, you missed. Ren was here too." She pointed out. I scoffed, "Of course, Ren would be there. He never goes anywhere." My little brother was practically a hermit, who seemed more interested in drawing women then touching them.

"So, did you snitch on me?" I asked. Satsuki and I had this unspoken agreement since we were kids to have each others' backs and not rat eachother out. The first night I came home, crashing from the crystal, she put me to bed and smoothly told my mom that I had a migraine, which was believable since I'd endured those monsters since I was five.

"No, of course not," she said. "But, it's starting to become hard to do, Sen. You should really stop bringing that junk home." She said, nodding toward the mirror and white substance I had placed on the counter.

"Last I checked, it's none of your business what I bring home. You're supposed to have my back on this." Satsuki frowned and she looked down at the floor. "I really wish you would stop," she said, quietly. "At first, you only did it every once in awhile, but now it's a little out of control. Don't you think?"

"I don't want to stop," I admitted. "And, I'm tired of talking about this." Satsuki winced, lifting her head, and her big, grey eyes were lining with unshed tears. "That's what I was afraid of." I felt guilty, but it only lasted for a moment. I closed my eyes and pointed towards the door.

"Satsuki, just go."

"But, Senri…" She stood up.

"Go." I said, harshly. She ran out of the room, and I remembered to lock the door this time. I stood at the counter and started to line up the crystal on the mirror. I rolled up a piece of paper tightly then bent down to snort the drugs into my system. One nostril closed, I inhaled deeply and an entire line disappeared from the mirror. I didn't stop there though, I did more. Line after line until my body became numb with the sensation. I didn't have to think so much anymore. About anything.

I heard a distant pounding on the door, and I shouted, "Go away!"

"Senri! Senri, if you don't open this door, I'm getting our Father! Do you hear me?" Satsuki shouted.

"Fuck you, Satsuki!" I shouted. I didn't care if she tattled. I didn't care about anything; my parents, my life. I ignored her plea, and I snorted another line, then another until I found myself on the floor. Usually, I'd feel energized to get up off the floor and go make use of the night. But, I actually felt paralyzed. How much did I just take? Black spots blocked my vision, and I felt myself spiraling out of control. I could still hear the pounding on the door and the loud cries. But, I lacked the ability to respond, announce that I was okay. Was I okay? I couldn't even tell if I was breathing.

The last thing I could remember was the bedroom door being busted down, and my Father running towards me. I wanted to hit him. Instead, I passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two; Satsuki Ichinose

"Thank you, everyone! Good night!" I shouted into the mic, closing my set on stage. I set my Acoustic down in its stand, and I stood up from my stool to bow. The crowd cheered loudly, "Encore! Encore! Encore!" With a smile on my face, I simply waved and exited the side of the stage to the back that was excluded from the audience by a thick, black curtain. My assistant and best friend, Mayu gave me a high five.

"Satsuki, that was incredible! I've never heard _"Starless Night"_ arranged that way before. I think it's better than Reira ever sang it." I laughed, amused by her energy. "Don't let Auntie hear you say that. It would break her heart," I said. Reira gave me her blessing to sing any of her songs I wanted as covers for my performances. I wrote songs of my own too, but singing original Trapnest material helped put my name out there. It was a plus that I was Takumi Ichinose's daughter, however I was no longer the tiny, gangly girl with pigtails anymore that the Paparazzi was forbidden to take pictures of. At seventeen years old, I welcomed the attention, and I was determined to go somewhere with my talent. I wanted to be better than Trapnest, better than Reira. And, I knew I could do it.

"Did you see that crowd, Satsuki? Maybe there was an Agent out there ready to approach you," Mayu said, helping me take bobby pins out of my hair. I finally stood up and pulled the curtain back, scanning the venue. "Hmm, no suits," I said, observing the crowd.

"They could be in disguise," she offered, resting her chin on her hands. "I know I keep stating the obvious, but your dad is a producer. You should get in contact with his people," she said, making quotation marks with her fingers. I sighed, "I want to do this on my own. He didn't have any help when he first started out, I'm no exception. And, I don't want to be the musician that rode on her parent's coattails." What I didn't include was that my mom and dad really weren't comfortable with the idea of me being in the spotlight.

I was their only daughter, and in their eyes, I was constantly in need of protection. If we ever spotted someone with a camera, we were taught to call them "mosquitoes" as a code word, like preying insects. Any old pictures taken when I was a child were of me hiding behind my mother's leg or my face buried in my dad's shoulder. My brothers however were treated a little differently. They didn't crave attention like I did, but my parents just didn't worry about them as much. As children, I was the one interested in music. But my brothers got guitars for Christmas, and I was rewarded with an extravagant dollhouse from England. When I was ten, Senri gave his guitar to me, and I never put it down.

"Heads up, Satsuki! Look who's heading this way," Mayu said with a wink. I turned my head, and the crowd parted like the Red Sea while Yutaro Kobayashi made his way towards me at the back of the stage. He was tall, with spiky black hair and the warmest, yet mysterious brown eyes I could easily get lost in. He approached me about four months ago after I had finished performing on stage and he bought me a few drinks. What started out to be a simple, carefree conversation turned into a full night of dancing in the club, then a more intimate kind of dance at the hotel across the street. As far as serious relationships go, he's my first one. There had been other guys in the past, but none of them compared. I couldn't put my finger on why our connection was so strong, so fast, but I wanted more of him any way I could have him. I wasn't ready to say the L word yet, but it was pretty damn close.

I stepped out from the curtain and approached Yutaro, wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders. "I didn't think you were going to make it," I whispered in his ear. He held me tightly in his arms, kissing my cheek. "The store closed early tonight, so I thought I'd make a surprise visit. I saw you had a full house tonight." I grinned from ear to ear. "I did, didn't I-"

"Satsuki!" I turned around and a line of people were in front of me, holding out papers and pens. Some of them were holding their cell phones and cameras too. Autographs and photos. I lived for them. I patted Yutaro's hand, and he nodded, pulling away from me so I could address my fans. I scribbled my signature while smiling happily at flashing lights. I always tried to leave personal touches with each person I spoke to. And, I always made sure to get their name. I was fortunate to have excellent photographic memory, and I would go home later and write their names down to memorize. When I did become famous, I wanted to be able to remember my first group of fans who came to my shows when I wasn't quite off the ground yet.

When I finished with my last fan of the night, Mayu stepped out from backstage with her laptop case in her hand. "You out of here?" I asked.

"Yeah, unlike some people, I can't make straight A's without studying," she said. I stuck my tongue out playfully, and she hugged me goodbye.

"You're the best, Mayu," I said, squeezing her.

"Tell your brother I said hello," she said. "I miss seeing him around." I rolled my eyes, but nodded and waved anyway while she exited the club safely and confidently hailed her cab ride home. My brother, Senri, was Mayu's biggest crush. We had been best friends since grade school, but she was always caught following my brother around. He was only five months older than me, so he was in the same grade as us. Unfortunately for her, Senri never saw her in a romantic way. And, as we got older, I honestly felt like she could do better. I loved my brother, but he battled quite a few inner demons that someone like Mayu couldn't handle.

I went to join Yutaro who was standing close to the bar waiting for me, when an older man approached me. Not soon after, Yutaro had stepped behind me, the notable scent of his spiced cologne hitting my nostrils. The man smiled, towering over my five feet eight inches.

"You put on quite a show, kid. You're Takumi's girl, right?" I rolled my eyes internally but attempted to keep my expression professional.

"You can call me Satsuki," I said. He nodded, a peculiar gleam in his eye.

"Yes. Brings back memories." He pulled out his wallet and slipped out a card. He handed it over to me, and my hands slightly trembled when I took it. "My name is Jin Shinbo. I manage a host of musicians, and back when Trapnest first started out, I managed their competitor, Blast. I'm sure you've heard of them?"

"Yes," I said, hesitantly. Blast was my father's biggest rival, but my mother was their biggest fan. She met the lead singer, Nana Osaki on a train. They were the same age and coincidentally shared the same name, Nana. They became roommates, and a close friendship developed between them. Nana Osaki dated Trapnest's lead guitarist, Ren Honjo, and he was the key that allowed my mother and father to cross paths. The rest was history. But, before I was born, Ren passed away, and Nana disappeared. My mom had been trying to find her ever since, even now, eighteen years later. It was my Dad's best friend and Trapnest's lead singer, Reira, who suggested naming my little brother, Ren, after him.

Yutaro squeezed my hand, and I blinked, realizing that my emotions were point blank across my face. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

"I'm sorry," Jin said. "It seems I've disturbed you." I quickly pulled myself together and smiled.

"Oh. No, it's just that Trapnest and Blast had went through so much back then," I said. Jin nodded. "Indeed, they did. But, I didn't really come here to talk about bands from the past. I want to talk about you," he said. He obtained my full attention as I clenched Yutaro's hand tightly. Was this really happening? A manager appeared to be falling into my lap, it seemed. But, I couldn't deny that he recognized me by association. I would still give him a chance. Anything for my chance at a big break.

"I'm sure Takumi already has people hand picked for you at your disposal-"

"No, sir. He doesn't. I manage myself right now, and I'm not using anyone from his team," I said. Jin's eyes lit up.

"Ah, well that makes things easier for me. My number is on that card. If you're interested, I'd love to sit and have a meeting with you and see if we can't push your music to the next level." I flipped the card over and read his name and company he worked for. At the bottom were his phone numbers, e-mail, and website. I would send this information to Mayu, and she and I both would do our research. A dim thought did occur though, and I remembered I would have to bring this up to my parents. Since I was under eighteen, the company would need some parental consent. Truth be told, I wasn't sure I was ready for that conversation.

I held the card tightly in my hand. "That sounds great. I'll be in contact." I stretched my arm out and briefly shook his hand.

"It was a pleasure to finally meet you, Satsuki Ichinose. I see bright things for you," he said. He looked over at Yutaro once and looked him over, like he was just noticing him. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're…" he trailed off. Yutaro grew tense, and I started to worry, but Jin shook his head. "Nah, never mind. Have a good night," he said, leaving us alone. I watched him walk out the door of the club, and once the door shut, I immediately turned around and hugged Yutaro tightly.

"Oh, my God!" I squealed. "You heard all that, right? He wants to work with me! He could sign me, this could really happen!" I said, my words running a million miles per second. Yutaro didn't seem to mind though as he held me tightly in his arms. He buried his face in my neck, and I wanted more than anything to disappear with him. But, I remembered it was a weeknight, and…

"Yutaro..." I began, losing my train of thought as he placed gentle kisses along the column of my neck. I sighed quietly, "I have to go home tonight, I can't.." He pulled away from me and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"So, we stay here for a bit," he said, gently pushing me backwards.

"Wait, Yutaro. Where are we going?" My back suddenly hit the curtain that was attached to the stage, and he parted it to the side so we could go through. Once inside, he pushed me against the closest wall, and his lips welded against mine instantly. "Are you insane?" I pulled apart slightly. "We can't!" An exhilarated laugh erupted from my throat. Yutaro chuckled in return and picked me up, prompting my legs to wrap around his waist.

"Don't worry. Just keep your voice down," he said, placing me on top of the dressing table. No one would come back here. I kept telling myself that as I reached the edge of his shirt and pulled it up over his head. I could never turn him away, I wanted him too much. Yutaro kissed me again, running his tongue along mine while he lifted my skirt up my thighs. I easily discarded my shirt and he wrapped his arm around to unhook my bra. Within seconds, I was completely naked. Yutaro kept his jeans on, but I didn't mind. I often enjoyed the quick bite of denim against my skin.

"You know, someone might come in here and see me like this," I said. He covered me completely with his body and pushed my knees apart.

"They would see you naked beneath me and know they can't have you?" His hand was between my legs, and I moaned, quickly biting my bottom my lip as his fingers penetrated me. The idea of possibly getting caught was thrilling for me. We could hear the music beating from the pounding speakers. The desk I sat on quaked beneath me, and I pulled Yutaro closer to me, wanting him as close as possible. His hand continued to work his magic when I heard the familiar sound of foil crinkling, then I felt the head of his erection press against my sensitive skin.

"Yutaro," I sighed, as he slid inside. His lips sealed against mine, and he rocked against me, hard and fast. I whimpered and moaned against his mouth, while my arms and legs stayed hooked around his shoulders and waist. The table shook harder with each harsh jerk of his hips. I loved every second of it. His fingers dug into my ass, and he lifted me, pressing even deeper inside me. This time, I couldn't hold back my desperate cries. This wasn't supposed to last long, unfortunately. Any forethought to keep our escapade a secret had flown away. Yutaro's soft groans and dirty nothings mingled with mine. My nails dug into his back, and I could feel my orgasm crawling up my spine intensely.

"Please," I begged. Yutaro ran his fingers against my clit, and I was gone. My back bowed off of the table as my muscles clenched. I screamed, spewing random expletives in his ear. He thrust into me one last time, holding still and panting against my ear following his own release.

"Satsuki," he said, placing his perspired forehead against mine. He slid out from inside me, quickly discarding the condom, and turned back to help me off the table. I started to dress when I heard my phone buzzing in my purse. "Can you see who that is?" I asked, slipping my shirt over my bra.

"Uh, Mina?" he said, pulling my phone out for me.

Why would Senri's girlfriend be calling at this time? I was 95% sure that's where he would be. He was hardly ever home these days, and I knew he grew quite attached to her.

"Why is she calling?" I quickly took it from his hands, and answered.

"Mina? It's me," I said.

"Satsuki, I'm so glad you answered. I need your help," she said, her voice rising an octave anxiously.

"What's the matter? Isn't Senri with you?" I asked.

"He was with me, Satsuki. But… He just left. He went to see _her."_

 _Stella._

My blood instantly boiled, and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. The old wench was becoming nothing but trouble ever since Senri met her by coincidence. He trusted me with everything, and I had kept every secret he had locked tight within myself. I don't even think Ren knew as much as I did. But, this was becoming too difficult for me. I loved my brothers, both of them. They came before absolutely anyone.

"When did he leave?" I asked.

"About fifteen minutes ago. He left me the key to the room, but he didn't say he was coming back."

"Why wouldn't he come back, unless he…" He would be going home then. "I'll find him," I promised.

"Please call me when you do. I'm so worried. He wasn't himself, Satsuki. Worse than usual. He couldn't even look me in the eyes when I begged him to stay." I heard her voice catch, and she cleared her throat to regain composure. I closed my eyes, trying to hold my own emotions at bay.

"I'll call. I promise," I said, quickly hanging up the phone. "Yutaro, I-" His arms enveloped me instantly, squeezing confidence into me.

"Do you need me to come with you?" he asked. I quickly shook my head.

"No. Thank you, but no. I have to do this on my own. Senri will only talk to me, and I need to talk sense into him before he does something stupid." Well, stupider than his usual.

I gathered all of my things and rushed out of the secluded room. Yutaro held me one last time, and I met his lips with a kiss. "Please, be safe. Take care of yourself," he said, leaving a chaste kiss against my black hair.

"I will. I'll call you tonight," I promised. I never realized how true that would be as I sped through Tokyo traffic in my sports car. It probably wasn't the best idea, but if I knew my brother, he'd beat me home by now. I quickly parked my car, and sure enough, his SUV was half-assed parked next to Ren's. I ran passed the security desk, waving at the attendant who was barely awake. I passed the elevators and decided to run up the stairs instead. My long legs could go faster than that rising carriage anyway.

I unlocked the door and kicked off my shoes, running for Senri's room. I jiggled my hand on the door knob and thank God, it came free as the door swung open.

"Senri?" I called. I heard a clatter from his bathroom and that's where I found him, hunched over the sink, a small mirror just beneath his nose with white lines of powder on it. "Senri," I called again.

"Dammit," he muttered, quietly. He lifted his head and turned to look at me. He looked terrible, like he hadn't slept in days. When was the last time he actually did sleep?

"What are you doing here?" he asked, harshly. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub, attempting to have a civil conversation. I hoped he was sober enough to comprehend civil. I wasn't home anymore than he was. But, I abided if our parents decided to give us a curfew or if any dinner plans were made. It made it much easier for me to get away with staying out late and even staying overnight. Senri, however, was an in your face rebel. He didn't care about consequences or how his actions affected people. I could probably think of one exception, but in this case now, he'd dug himself into quite a hole. But, I would try pleading with him, begging him to put his habits away and act like a normal teenager slash young adult again. He could date Mina, because I knew without a doubt, he did have deeper feelings than just a casual fling girl. He could graduate and go to University and be the genius we all know he is. Help the world because, I knew through the hardships of his life, he could find it in himself to assist the greater good.

"Senri, please. I can't do this anymore," I heard myself pleading with him. "You can't keep doing this to yourself, can't you see it's killing you?" I wasn't sure what all he was comprehending, but I kept trying. "What about the rest of us? Your mom, our dad, me and Ren? Mina too! She called me tonight, Senri! She's so worried about you!" Senri's jaw clenched, and his grey eyes grew cold.

"I don't want to hear this right now, Satsuki. Just go on, get out of here. Go out in the world and play your music and maybe a kind mosquito will sneak a picture of your tits." I gasped in shock. He couldn't have said things more hurtful. "Now, that would be something to break dear _Daddy's_ heart. Meanwhile, I'm going to get high, as high as I possibly can, and no one will worry about a damn thing!" Veins bulged against his neck, and I knew at any moment, he would crack. But, at least he had ignored the drugs, for a moment.

I stood up, ready to take him down if needed. I was determined that he wouldn't take another hit tonight. Based on the information from Mina, I knew Senri had more than enough for the day. "Senri, no more. I don't care what you think about me right now. No more," I said. Senri's fist smashed into the wall, mere inches from my face. He has not, and never would actually hit me. This was his way of trying to scare me off. "Get out of my room," he demanded. His eyes narrowed, but they quickly lost focus. I wondered for a moment if he even realized what was going on? Did he know what he was saying, what I was saying? The fight in me began to dissipate. If I reached his drugs and decided to flush them down the toilet, I couldn't predict what he would do next. If he got high and slept it off, I could revisit this conversation in the morning when he's sober again. I hoped…

"Satsuki, get out now!" He grabbed my arm, and shoved me out of the room. He slammed the door shut and I heard the lock click in place.

Dammit.

I turned around and placed my ear against the door. I could hear Senri mumble to himself, then the disgusting sounds of him inhaling the awful substance. I cringed, and placed my hands against the door. I heard him inhale again, and again.

"Senri," I called. No response, but another inhale. Then, he chuckled. He was losing it. "Senri!" I was outside of his room in the hallway, but I banged on the door anyway, no longer afraid of disturbing the home or waking someone up. "If you don't open this door right now, I'm getting our Father! Do you hear me? He's going to know everything!" I shrieked, my palms flat smacking against the door.

"FUCK YOU, SATSUKI!" His only response, before I heard a loud crash. Then, silence. Panic crawled up my throat and choked my words, but I knew I had no choice. I needed help, and Senri needed help. There was nothing else on the other side of the door. No inhales, no scuffle, nothing. Releasing the door, I screamed through the dark hallways.

"DADDY!" I shrieked, barging into my parents bedroom. The bedside lamp instantly turned on, and dad was already sitting up out of the bed. Mom was slowly stirring awake on the other side.

"Satsuki? What's the matter?" dad said. A shaking breath escaped me and I pointed back from the room. "Satsuki, talk to me. What is it?" he demanded. Tears leaked from my eyes, and this time, I saw mom sitting up in bed with concern.

"Satsuki, sweetheart?" She said in her soft, naturally kind voice. I trembled and shook like my body would fall apart. Dad grasped my shoulders, and finally, I found my voice.

"Senri... Dad, Senri's in trouble." I said. I grasped his hand and pulled him with me. "Hurry!" Mom was scurrying out of the bed to join us when dad turned around.

"Stay here, Nana," he said, and she didn't move. We ran out of the bedroom together to the other side of the house and came to a stop at Senri's bedroom. "He's locked himself inside!" I said. Dad jostled the doorknob and banged his fist on the door. "Hey, Senri! Open the door now!" Complete, utter silence filled the air, and I fell to my knees. Dad didn't stop though. He rammed his shoulders against the door a few times, until finally, he managed to push it open off its hinges. I remained still on the floor, while watching him run into the room after his eldest son. Senri was completely passed out on the tile floor of the bathroom. Dad reached him, lifting his body up quickly.

"Senri? Senri! What have you done?" He shouted, trying to rouse Senri awake, but he didn't budge. Dad noticed residue from the powder on Senri's nose. His eyes were open, yet vacant, as if he were…

"Senri!" Dad shouted again, smacking his cheek with the side of his hand. Sobs racked my body, but I couldn't move from my spot on my knees. This was all my fault. I let him do this to himself, all this time. And, nobody knew it. It took until tonight.

"Satsuki!" dad snapped me to attention. I slowly crawled to where he sat with Senri. "Listen, go get your mom and call for an ambulance. Right now, understand?" I looked down at my brother, his eyes had finally closed. But, he laid there in dad's arms like he were nothing. He held Senri's wrist tightly in his hand, and his veins didn't move or _thump_. He didn't have a pulse!

I quickly stood up from my spot on shaky legs, and ran back to where Mom was waiting. I couldn't believe this. What started out as the most eventful night of my adult life, turning into absolutely nothing. Listening to my dad's feeble attempts to wake my brother, I exclaimed to Mom what had happened and she called the ambulance herself. Someone would have to call Senri's mother, Kaoru. He was her only son. How could I possibly face her, after the many times I covered for him to her face?

Then I remembered that Ren wasn't home. He was out too, just like Senri and I had been.

With a trembling hand, I speed dialed and heard the alarms of an ambulance.

"Satsuki?" He answered in a tired voice.

"Ren!" I gasped. Mom had rushed to the front of the house and escorted two EMTs inside with a stretcher. I didn't think I had anymore tears to cry, but they still slid down my cheeks unheeded.

"Senri is dead!"


	3. Chapter 3

Ren Ichinose

"Draw me one more, Ren, please!" Tsubaki whined, holding her tiny arm out for me to doodle on. I wasn't sure how her parents would feel about me creating fake tattoos on their ten year old, but after what seemed to be a terrorizing nightmare she had, I couldn't find it in me to tell her no. I sighed, "If you can promise to keep your voice down and not wake up your sister." Tsubaki nodded her head enthusiastically, crossing her fingers over her lips. She sat down very still while I drew a couple of roses on her wrist connected by a vine with a couple of thorns sticking out of the vine.

"They're so pretty, Ren. Can't you make this into a real tattoo sometime?" she asked quietly. I chuckled and set the marker down. "Tattoos are permanent, you know? You have to think wisely about what you want, or you'll end up like me," I said, looking down at my sleeve that started from my shoulder down to my wrist. Tsubaki was too cute to wear something like this on her skin, not to mention too young. After opening my very own tattoo kit for Christmas this year, I knew this was where I wanted to direct my art passion. I had created the sleeve on my arm myself, little by little. I didn't exactly think it through, seeing as I'd be the only sixteen year old at my school covered in ink, thus drawing unwanted attention to myself.

"Can we watch a movie?" Tsubaki asked, curling up on the couch.

"I think we agreed that you could stay up for a little bit, and then it's back to bed. Your parents will be home any minute now."

"I knowww," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. She was so much like her father, Shin, and not just in looks. Her younger sister, Sakura was a spitting image of her mother, Reira. But, when both of them spoke, it was like Shin reincarnated himself without dying. Tsubaki sat up on her knees and begged, clasping her hands together. "Pleeaseee, Ren.. Just a few more minutes?" I cringed, taking in her big blue eyes, and her lips scrunched together into quite the pathetic pout. I tried to be the stern authoritative figure, but when it came to Tsubaki and Sakura Okazaki, I couldn't keep it up.

"Fine," I caved. "One movie." She scampered off to the shelf that held their entire movie collection, and she selected one. I guessed it would be a girly movie made in the States about a damsel in distress in need of saving from a prince. Tsubaki popped it into the Blu Ray player, then returned to the couch and sat next to me. With the remote in my hand, I was able to dim the lights and start the movie at the same time. The opening credits rolled and already, Tsubaki was nodding off, laying her head on my shoulder. I chuckled to myself and pulled a blanket off of the back of the couch and covered her with it. At least she was asleep, like her parents would want her to be on a school night.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I slid my hand down to silence it. I was pretty sure it was my mother checking in on me. I left right after dinner to lend Reira and Shin a hand, so they could have a date night. But, as expected, my parents didn't exactly notice I'd left. I knew it wasn't personal, but I kept to myself, and I didn't grasp their attention like my brother and sister. Senri had anger issues, and he was always in trouble, either in school or with the law, or with his parents. They were protective of Satsuki and her dream to be a famous musician, and of course, she fought it. Currently, Dad was pissed off again because Senri never came home like he promised, while Satsuki was begging for permission to go out. While Dad and Satsuki quarreled and Mom played mediator, it was the perfect timing to slip out of the kitchen and out the door.

On the couch, I felt myself falling asleep when I heard the door unlock. Reira and Shin entered the house, but Tsubaki never stirred. Reira giggled once she found us in the living room.

"Welcome back," I whispered. Reira placed her hands on her hips and shook her head.

"I should've known this is where I would find her," she said. I frowned slightly, "Sorry, Reira. She said she-"

"Had a nightmare?" Shin finished for me. "That's been the latest excuse for her to be out of bed. If you ask me, she's getting a little too old for it." Shin picked his daughter up off of the couch and she murmured something in her sleep. He smiled, kissing her forehead before carrying her back to her bedroom. I turned back to Reira and shrugged my shoulders.

"For the record, I heard her crying," I said. Reira laughed and sat next to me on the couch.

"It's okay, Ren. Sakura's actually the one that started the nightmare trend. They are just sisters copying each other." I would never know what that was like, since my siblings and I were complete, polar opposites. Satsuki and I got along great, but I couldn't say the same with Senri. Trying to imitate my big brother would just turn into getting my ass beat. "Listen, I really do appreciate you watching them at such short notice, Ren. They honestly adore you." My phone buzzed again, and I grew aggravated, silencing it once more. "Your mom?" Reira asked.

"Uh, yeah. I don't think she realized I'd be out this late," I said, rubbing the back of my neck. Reira gasped, her eyes wide.

"What? Ren, you should've told us you had a curfew," she said, guilt immediately replacing her smile. Old habits die hard, and I found myself making sure she wasn't about to go through an attack. Since I could remember, she struggled with anxiety and she was prone to go through an anxiety attack at any moment. I guess being controlled by music coaches, my dad, and Trapnest's managers had taken its toll on her. Reira went through a phase where she completely checked out. She wouldn't sing anymore. But, then I was born, and she seemed to change back to her old self. It was Reira who begged my Mom to name me after one of her best friends, Ren Honjo. She started to smile again, and she loved it when I played my guitar. I would only play for her. It seemed to be my constant duty when I was young; make sure she's happy.

"Reira?"

She's married to Shin now, the true love of her life, and they have their two kids. She's happier than I've ever seen her. But, I still worry about her sometimes. I guess I always will look out for her.

"Sakura and Tsubaki are out cold. Are you okay?" Shin walked up to us and kneeled down in front of her, taking her hands in his. Reira nodded, collecting herself.

"Yeah, I just… I think we may have stayed out too long. Poor Ren is going to get an earful when he gets home," she said. Shin shrugged his shoulders, unfazed. "I wouldn't worry about it. I'll call Hachi tomorrow, it'll be alright," Shin said. I chuckled at the reminder of my mother's nickname, Hachi. I'm pretty sure Shin is the only person in our small group of family friends that still call her that. He insists that her personality is still the same now as it was years ago. And, speaking of my mother, she was calling me again. I wondered if it was an emergency, because I had already responded to her once hours ago, so she wouldn't freak out.

"Sorry, let me get this," I said, pulling my phone out of my pocket and stepping away from them. I looked down at the screen and saw that it wasn't my mom at all. It was Satsuki. I knew she was performing tonight, so I wasn't sure why she would be calling. I looked at the time on the screen, and it was already after one in the morning. My stomach suddenly felt queasy, and I sensed that something was very wrong.

"Satsuki?" I answered. There was silence, but then I heard her gasp like she was struggling to breathe.

"Ren!" She shouted.

"I'm here, sis. What's-"

"Senri is dead," she whimpered. Her words knocked the wind out of me, and I had to place my hand on the wall to hold myself up. I had to have heard her incorrectly.

"Wait a minute," I said. "What are you talking about?" Satsuki was sobbing on the other line, and that's when I heard the loud wails of a siren. There was commotion in the background where a man closest to Satsuki was speaking rapidly, followed by a radio beeping.

" _Senri Ichinose. Seventeen years old. Suspect of a drug overdose."_ The radio beeped again.

"Ren, I need you." Satsuki cried. "Meet us at the hospital, they're in a hurry." she said. I nodded, struggling to breathe myself. My brother is…

 _No. He can't be._

"Go with them, Satsuki. I'll be with you soon," I promised, and the phone went silent. My hands shook and I felt unsteady on my feet.

"Ren?" Reira's hands graced my shoulders. "Is everything okay?" I remembered where I stood. I couldn't break down here. There was no way I could tell Reira and Shin. She would…

" _Keep Reira happy."_ My dad's old words crossed my mind over and over. She couldn't handle something like this.

"I'm fine," I swallowed. "I need to get home now." I quickly retrieved my shoes by the door, and before I could walk out, Reira pulled me into one of her infamous bear hugs.

"Thank you, Ren, for everything. You're so special, I don't know what I'd do without you." She pulled apart and kissed my cheek. I released her and ran out the door to their parking garage, except that I didn't drive here. They didn't live far from us, so I walked to their house instead of driving my car through traffic.

"Dammit!" I shouted. My house may be close, but the hospital was not. I couldn't count on a taxi, so running was my only option. I had to get to my family.

" _Ren, I need you."_

" _You're so special, Ren."_

I might as well cry here in the middle of the street, because I doubted I'd be free to do so once I reached my destination. I just couldn't imagine my brother gone. Satsuki and I didn't even know he existed until we were five and six. But, now I couldn't imagine him not being in our lives. The transition wasn't exactly easy, but I remembered being so excited to having another brother to grow up with. We grew distant as we hit our teenage years, developed separate interests. But, I never imagined this is what he would have in mind.

 _Drugs._

 _Overdose._

" _Senri is dead!"_

I wiped my eyes as I approached the Emergency entrance. It took me about thirty minutes to make the run, but it would've taken me much longer had I driven or taken a cab. I ran inside past the ambulance bay and as the doors parted, I came face to face with the information desk. I wiped sweat off of my brow and panted heavily.

"Ichinose," I wheezed. The lady behind the desk quickly pointed her finger to a secluded waiting area in the corner. I ran in that direction through another set of opening doors, and I finally reached my family. The only person to notice my presence was my mother. She nudged Satsuki, who was curled up against her side. We all towered over our Mothers in height, having gained gigantism from our Father. But, right now, seeing Satsuki cuddled up with mom, she appeared so small and fragile.

"Ren's here, sweetheart," Mom whispered, stroking her dark hair. Satsuki slowly lifted her head and she made eye contact with me. I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I was holding and sat down next to my sister.

"Hey," I said, reaching for her hand. She took it gladly and squeezed it, a fresh stream of tears spilling down her cheeks. Mom handed her a tissue to wipe her eyes, and then she held one for herself. "Mom, I…" I couldn't find the words to speak, and I had so many questions. Mom squeezed Satsuki's hand.

"They were able to bring him back, but he's unstable," she said. So, he was…

"I don't understand. How did he-?"

"He overdosed on crystal meth and GHB. They had to… pump his stomach and revive his heart. Takumi and Kaoru are in there with him now." I nodded, unsure of how to take the news. Why would Senri do this? And, how did he go so long without anyone noticing?

"This wasn't a freak accident. How long-?"

"It's my fault," Satsuki blurted out. She looked up at me with her red rimmed eyes, and her cheeks were puffy. "I knew all along," she said.

"Satsuki, it's not-"

"Yes it is! He's been doing this off and on for the past two years," she said. "I never told anyone… He made me promise." It was the first time since I got here, that I found myself angry with Senri.

There was commotion from the doors in front of us and it drew my attention. The doors flew open as my dad wrestled an erratic Kaoru out of the room where my brother was.

"Please, get her out of here," a man covered in blue scrubs said.

"Let. Me. Go!" Kaoru shrieked.

"Kaoru, stop it. We've got to let them do their jobs," dad said. Kaoru wailed and fought against his restraint. After a brief struggle, dad seemed to give up and he pulled her petite frame over his shoulder.

"You bastard, put me down!" She screamed. Her flailing limbs hit dad in the face, and his sunglasses flew to the floor. The other patrons of the ER looked towards us, and I wanted to cover my face, so I wouldn't be noticed. But, this wasn't the time to care about being recognized. Let the mosquitoes see the Ichinose family have a meltdown. It's not like my brother nearly _died_ or anything.

Satsuki started sobbing again, but this time, she cried on me. I held her tightly as I watched dad take Kaoru out of the ER, and I exhaled a sigh of relief once it grew quiet again. I could see them through one of the windows, and once Kaoru was set on her feet, she hit my dad across the face, hard. Mom stood up, probably to go defend her husband.

"Probably not a good idea, Mom," I murmured. Senri was a product of Takumi Ichinose and Kaoru Miyazaki, and Kaoru was a force to be reckoned with in her own right. I wouldn't expect Kaoru to take my mother intervening, and neither would my father. They seemed to settle down though, and they were conversing in a more civil manner. The tears still fell from Kaoru's eyes and my dad clenched his fists by his sides. They both almost lost a son today, I couldn't fathom how that felt.

"Ren? Why don't you and Satsuki go get something to eat in the cafeteria. It's going to be a long night here," she said. I nodded and nudged Satsuki. She was so quiet and still against me this whole time, I wondered if she'd fallen asleep. "What do you say, sis? Let's go grab a cheeseburger," I said with an encouraging smile. Her face crumpled and she looked away.

"Senri's favorite?" She mumbled, drawing another tissue to wipe her nose. "No, I'm not hungry."

"It doesn't have to be a ch-"

"No!" She snapped. Dad walked back inside, but Kaoru stayed out, sitting by herself on the steps with a cigarette trembling in her hand. Mom stood up and took his hand, bringing him to sit down with us. I don't think either of us knew what to say, really. We were hurt, broken, confused.

"I think you should take Ren and Satsuki home, Nana," dad said.

"What? We're not leaving. That's our brother," I said. He glared at me, but his expression quickly softened when he noticed Satsuki sitting next to me like a still doll. Kaoru came back into the waiting room and glanced at us for a moment, then physically demanded entry to the exam room where Senri was. When I mean physically, I mean she actually elbowed the doctor while he gave her clearance to return to her son. I wished I could see my brother, but I didn't feel like the timing was right. Dad kneeled down in front of Satsuki, silently demanding her attention.

"Satsuki," he said, softly. "I think it's time you and I to have a talk," he said. She looked away from his scrutinizing gaze. "I know you want to protect Senri, but the way to truly protect him is to tell me what you know. Then, I can get him the help he needs." Her bottom lip quivered and she nodded, standing up next to him.

"Okay. I'll tell you," she said. They walked down the halls of the ER, speaking to each other in private. I would get the play by play later. I turned back to my mother, who was still sitting so quiet. It was so unlike her.

"Are you okay, mom?" I asked. She hugged me tightly and I thought she would take that moment to let herself go. But, she didn't. She was mom first. She would cry later when the rest of us were in bed.

"I think I'm going to take a walk. Will you text me if there's any news?"

"Yes, of course," she said, kissing my cheek. I left her and passed Satsuki and Dad who were still talking. I ended up leaving the Emergency Department all together. I took the elevators up a couple floors to where the cafeteria would be. I had only been in the hospital a few times. Once when Mom, Satsuki, and I were in a terrible vehicle accident. Others were for more happier occasions, like the births of Tsubaki and Sakura. Speaking of which, I'd have to tell Reira and Shin what happened tonight. I left so suddenly, I wouldn't put it past Reira to worry.

I walked into the cafeteria and grabbed a candy bar from the vending machine. I took a seat in a booth, ready to unwrap my choice of a meal, but I couldn't stomach it. It was a distraction, nothing more.

"Are you just going to stare at it all night?"

"Huh?" I looked up. A young man, not much older than me was standing at my table. He had short blonde hair and he was dressed in scrubs. An employee, I assumed.

"I was going to eat it. Seems I'm not that hungry after all," I shrugged.

"I see. Well, I hope your hunger returns. It would be a shame for you to waste it," he smirked.

"A shame?" I scoffed. "It's just chocolate."

"It happens to be my favorite, but I can't eat it as much as I'd like," he said. I broke the candy bar in half, handing one piece to him. "Here, you want it?" I offered. The man smiled, contemplating my request when a nurse walked up to him.

"There you are, young man. I told you to stop running off. The doctor has been waiting on you," she said sternly. He sighed, putting the candy in his pocket.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted. Good luck to you," he said with a kind smile. He was a patient dressed in scrubs?

"Wait," I stopped them. "I didn't catch your name," I said. I realized that he never admitted to recognizing me. He didn't fall at my feet and beg for an autograph. He didn't take a picture of me without permission. He just talked to me like I was any normal human being. It was very _refreshing._

"It's Shinobu," he said.

After they left, I was still sitting in the booth, nibbling on my chocolate and telling myself to leave my random fascination with Scrubs alone. But, I couldn't stop myself. I had to follow him.


End file.
